


Longinus

by aphoticdepths



Series: FGO Ficlets [2]
Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Crack Pairing, Crack Treated Seriously, Drabble, M/M, Manhandling, a really astounding amount of sexual innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 12:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16118282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphoticdepths/pseuds/aphoticdepths
Summary: Vlad will not hold with demons in his ranks. Particularly not demons that stir memories.





	Longinus

Mephistopheles looked up at the Lancer in front of him, grinning. "Oh? Has the great vampire himself come to impale me now? How flattering! Sadly, I don't think that you'd be able to reach my heart-in fact, I don't think I have one-"  
  
His monologue was cut off by Vlad's armored gauntlet grabbing him by his cape and pulling hard enough to cut off his airflow. "Silence!" he demanded.  
  
Mephistopheles started to laugh, strangled though it was. "So rude!" he gasped.  
  
Vlad's face twisted into a horrifying scowl. "That my Master would keep a _demon_ -even self-styled, I am disgusted!" He shook Mephistopheles, who continued to laugh. "And-that you would style yourself so-"  
  
Mephistopheles widened his eyes innocently. "Oh? Not a fan of clowns? You seem sadly old to have been traumatized by that film, so perhaps it's a mishap? Did a court jester say something insulting? Oh, do tell me, tell me quickly!"  
  
Vlad roared and dropped him. Mephistopheles staggered slightly as the man slammed him into a wall. "You will not mock me, demon! I am a protector of the faith!" He leaned in, bringing with him the coppery smell of blood and metal. "And _only_ that my Master finds you acceptable prevents me from impaling you at this moment." He bared his teeth in something like a grin. "I think a sufficiently vigorous penetration might be able to send you back to the hell you came from. How I wish I could let my spear sink within you at this moment!"  
  
Mephistopheles burst into laughter. He was going to mention that he really liked the undead one better, but this was just too good. But, as he cackled hard enough tears came to his eyes, he saw Vlad's brow furrow. He reached out one massive hand, touching...of all things, his hair.  
  
"Even your hair..." His voice almost sounded sad, before his gauntleted fingers fisted in it. "You will not tempt me, demon. You will not use my wife's trappings to make me wish to give you my spear!"  
  
Mephistopheles frowned. "Could you perhaps clarify what is and what is not a sexual innuendo? I'm getting rather confused-"  
  
Vlad leaned in, until they were nose-to-nose, the rough bristles of his beard scratching at Mephistopheles' makeup. "Shut your mouth, demon."  
  
Mephistopheles gave him a very wide grin. "I think you'd rather shut it for me, isn't that true?" He lowered his voice to a breathy whisper. "I could even pretend to be your wife during it."  
  
Horror, anger, and want warred on Vlad's weathered face, a delicious mixture that Mephistopheles, were he able to, would have drunk down like fine wine. This was only for a moment before he pushed Mephistopheles away as hard as he could-which was, as expected, very hard-and took several steps back. "My spear _will_ find you, demon, when Master isn't watching," he snarled, before crossing himself hurriedly and fleeing.


End file.
